When to Stop Laughing

My daughter can be a bit of a punk. That being said I am having a hard time trying to discipline her. I tell her "no" and I try to be stern but I can't even look at her because she's so adorable and she has this mischievous grin; so when I'm trying to be serious and get her to understand that clawing off my face is bad I just want to scoop her into my arms and laugh at her expressions.

She really isn't a bad toddler. For only 14 months she's very smart. That just means that she knows what she is doing is wrong and she's trying to come up with ways to get away with what she is doing. I love her so much and I know that I need to break these habits and set the boundaries now but for goodness sake it is hard to stop laughing!

Kai likes to throw herself backwards. I'm talking the trust exercise throwing yourself into the arms of a loved one without looking type of throw yourself backwards. This little girl doesn't just gracefully fall back either. She puts power into it so that her whole back is arched and she's leading with her head. Now, I LOVE that she trusts me and Richie to catch her, and most of the time we do. Only, Kai doesn't make sure we're behind her all the time and once or twice she has hit the floor. Its gotten to the point where we're considering a helmet for her just so that she doesn't hurt herself!

Now that is the perfect time to say "no". And I do! Every single time I tell her no and try to look serious and slightly menacing to get the point across that it is a bad idea to throw herself back. But she has this adorable smile and a mouthful of teeth and she just looks to happy and innocent and the reaction I get to the word "no" is the same every time, she laughs. Big old belly laughs from my little girl and it is a fight for me to look stern.


I have learned to look away. I tell her no and don't make eye contact with her dancing little eyes. I love her trust and her spunk but I need her to learn what is right and wrong too. Its hard to love someone so much and know that you're the one they're going to learn how to behave from and just want to laugh instead of punish them. Please somebody tell me this gets easier!!

Packing and Praying...

Life always has its ups and downs and just when you think you are prepared for everything life throws you a curve ball. We were told that we need to be out of our house in less than a month now. This is a scary prospect when you have a family to take care of!

Now I am lucky. I have an amazing support system of family and friends so I know that we'll never truly be without a place to stay. But that being said its hard to struggle through each day not knowing where you'll be in a month.

I know I'm not the only one struggling right now. When you're the one going through a hard time its not so easy to remember that there are plenty of people out there who have it worse than you. Still, I have to be thankful for a happy and healthy family and all of the blessings that we've received thus far.

So we're currently packing up our house with no idea where we'll be unpacking our things. Oddly enough I'm okay with all of this at the moment....

Not A Fan Of Being Sick!

Last Wednesday I got home from an awesome day of hanging out with Kai and Sebastian to find out that my little girl was not being cranky just for fun but rather she had a fever! My little girl has never gotten sick before. Sure she's had the occasional flair of the fever when her teeth were bothering her, but nothing worth seeing the doctor over. The thing is this time we just couldn't get her fever to break!

We tried running a warm bath, we let her play in it and slowly added cool water until she was playing in a cold tub. The temp dropped from 101.4 to 100.6 nothing exciting enough for us. I ran to the store and got her some baby meds to try and tame the fever and yet it simply helped her to sleep through the discomfort.

Thankfully my doctor's office is amazing and at ten the next morning I was rocking her in my arms and waiting for the doctor to come in and see her. As a testament to how unwell she was feeling she fell asleep in my arms as we were waiting. She had an inner ear infection!

I can't handle watching my daughter in pain and here she was with something that I couldn't instantaneously make better. I got the medicine and a new toy for her and we went home. The next 48 hours were spent rocking her to sleep and bathing her to cool her down and simply doing anything we could to make her feel better. When Richie would get home he would take over rocking her and soothing her just so that I could take a quick break.

Thankfully the fever broke as the medicine the doctor prescribed worked and she has slowly gotten back into her playful self. It is a hard thing to watch someone you love in pain and its doubly hard when they can't tell you what's wrong. I am glad to say that she is happily asleep now and looking forward to all the excitement that tomorrow holds!!

My Eventful Day

My daughter is too much like me! She is only 14 months old and has already racked up an impressive number of bloody lips and today she added to that list her very first bloody nose!

Babysitting at Rachel's house is far easier than being at my house most of the time because her baby-proofed loft is exponentially more Kai-proof than my house. It seems that at home Kai can get into everything no matter what precautions we have made. Today for the very first time she climbed onto the coffee table in the living room without assistance from any of her toys.

Sebastian is easier to watch, like his house is safer he just seems to be much more cautious. Watching the two of them is hilarious. They antagonize each other and chase each other, yesterday they spent about an hour playing tug-of-war with a blanket and just laughing. It is generally a fun and easy time with the two of them. Not so much today...

Kai was in an okay mood when we got to Rachel's, but after conquering the coffee table at home she was in an overly adventurous mood. She took to standing on the toys with wheels and trying to balance herself in the bin of blocks. Sebastian took the much safer route of watching her from a distance, he simply sat on my lap clutching his blanket and waited for her to entertain him.

Oddly she doesn't often get hurt when she totters precariously on clearly unstable objects. That wouldn't be fun. No instead she was standing still and somehow tripped herself onto her sippy cup when she gave herself a bloody nose. Sebastian ran over to where I held her in my lap, squatted down until they were face to face and began his babbling that I suppose she may understand because through her tears a weak smile emerged.

I called my cousin to find out exactly how one treats a bloody nose for a toddler. Apparently the most important thing to do is to remain calm. That is much easier said than done when your precious baby is bleeding in your lap. Then you pinch the bridge of the nose and lean them slightly forward. The bump from the sippy cup couldn't have been that bad since the bleeding subsided before I could do anything but I'm glad that I have that for future reference.

Thankfully Sebastian is far less clumsy than my daughter and he was happy to just watch rather than participate in her dangerous antics today. No matter how hard it is for me to watch my own daughter get hurt I have a feeling it would be much worse explaining to my friend that her son had given himself a bloody nose!

Working Mom

When I found out I was pregnant I was sure that it would be so easy to find a babysitter and head off to work everyday. What I didn't expect what the price of gas would skyrocket and the cost for daycare wouldn't be in my price range. Not only was it not in my price range but until you have a baby you don't realize that daycare doesn't watch a baby before they're at least three months old, many even older than that. That wouldn't be such a big deal if maternity leave generally lasted more than eight weeks leaving you a month of worrying what to do with your little miracle!

I did not stay at my job at the deli in a food store. As much as I thought I loved my job it wasn't worth leaving my baby for. That being said I need to make it clear that I had a job and NOT a career. I was working in a deli slicing meats and cheese, it wasn't exactly the dream I had for my future when I was a kid. Actually when I was a kid the only thing I ever wanted to be, besides a writer, was a mom!

It was a huge step of faith to leave my job, one that was assisted by the fact that my car transmission went. For a few months I just scraped by with my mom's help and then something amazing happened for us, my friend Rachel asked me to watch her happy little boy Sebastian!

This was better than I could ever imagine. Not only did I have a job that I can honestly say I loved but now our kids had built in friends. Since Sebastian was older than Kai he helped to improve her motor skills and they get so excited when they see each other. Its funny to watch them play together because they have such distinct personalities.

Sebastian is very chill. He is content to sit and play with whatever is in front of him and he is generally very happy. My daughter is the troublemaker. When I give them snacks Sebastian is fine with just eating them while Kai has to smash them into the floor. If Sebastian is quietly playing with a toy then Kai likes to go and grab it from him. Now I'm not just being hard on my daughter, she's going to be a sneaky one.

Last time we were hanging out with Sebastian she was throwing a fit because he kept taking her sippy cup and she didn't want to share. I took it from him and gave it back to her because it was her milk cup. Then while I was watching her she walked over to where he was sitting watching his show and dropped the cup at his side, then she turned to look at me and gave out a cry like he had just ripped it out of her hands. I couldn't help but laugh but she didn't think it was funny when I didn't tell him no for taking her bottle.

I have so much respect for the moms who entrust caregivers with their kids everyday so that they can provide for them. It is a hard thing to do, to get ready and say goodbye to a piece of your heart everyday when you go to work. I am lucky that I get to spend the days with my daughter and I'm even more lucky that Rachel entrusts precious Sebastian into my care. I am a working mom, working at making the lives of these amazing little kids as fun and happy as it can possibly be!

This One Is For My Mom

There is so much pain in the world. What hurts me more than anything is knowing that I cannot stop my daughter from getting hurt all the time.

Tonight was one of those heartbreaking nights where she simply doesn't feel good. She screamed and cried unless I was holding her because she's hurting. I think its her teeth, they're coming in so fast and I'm not sure what else could be bothering her since she doesn't have a fever.

Holding her to my chest, and having her rest her head on my shoulder my heart aches. I want nothing more than to make everything better. She went to sleep quickly and of course is fine as she rests but a parent can't help but hurt when their children hurt.

I don't think I ever understood that when my mom told me that.

When I was a kid I was accident prone. I was in and out of the hospital with stitches and broken bones. My mom always told me that I made her worry but I figured she was overreacting because of course I'm fine today so she had to know back then that I would be okay.

The first time my little Kai gave herself a bloody lip I was scared half to death. I managed to stay calm and clean her up. I got her settled down with an ice pop and then when I knew she was okay I began to shake and the tears just came. My baby had gotten hurt and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

So this blog is for my mom. I love you so much. I never understood the love and connection that we must have. Every time I cried over a broken heart, broken bone or new set of stitches you were there trying to be strong for me but hurting just as much. When I hurt my hand I was terrified. I thought I would never use it again and at first I even thought there was a good chance I wouldn't make it. But you helped me through everyday and I don't know that I've ever thanked you for your strength and love.

I took so much for granted as I grew up. I was blessed with a mom who loved unconditionally and I took her love for granted. I never grasped the depth of her love or the strength of her character. Thank you mom for helping to shape me into who I am today. Thank you for hurting with me as I weathered each painful storm in my life. But most of all thank you for loving me for who I am, and even when you didn't agree with all of my choices supporting me and allowing me to become the woman I am today. I don't say it enough but I love you with all of my heart and hope that I can be half the mom to my little girl that you were to me!

Loving the Unexpected

As any parent knows each day holds new, exciting, and unexpected wonders. Almost fourteen months ago I was facing a massive unknown, single-parenthood situation. It was a daunting and thrilling adventure that I knew would be the best thing I had done thus far in my life.

Taking home my precious little girl was amazing and exhausting, I had to take care of myself and an infant who I knew I loved more than life itself. Now it wasn't the easiest thing and sometimes I would wonder if there was a possibility that anyone would love me and my baby. That was the most important factor when thinking about whether or not I would ever date again, I had to know that my daughter was completely adored by any guy I allowed in my life. It wasn't enough for me to find a guy that cared for me and simply tolerated my daughter, I didn't want to give her a second-best daddy in her life. Thoughts like these would dance around in my head as I held my little treasure as she napped on my chest or when I was trying to finish another assignment for my college class before she demanded my undivided attention again.

Then one day an unexpected thing happened, I reconnected with an old friend. A guy that I had known years earlier began talking with me through Facebook. It's weird how things happen, especially after you resign yourself to the life you are currently living. The first time we hung out was perfect. He came in with nothing for me but a hug and a cute flower shaped rattle for Kai. Not only was I smitten but my little girl fell in love.

As I look back over the past eight months, I know that I found the perfect man for me and daddy for my little girl. I never expected to find somebody to complete our family, I wasn't even looking, but now I don't know how we ever got by without him. Each day as Kai grows and changes I know to look for the unexpected things that hold beauty and wonder. When she runs full speed into a hug or tries to do a somersault, there is nothing but beauty in all of her unexpected quirks!